Moving to new website

My country people… 

I’m excited to inform you that we have a spanking new website  http://www.thekenyanrose.com .

There, you can find all the posts I made here and new posts.

This site will only serve as a backup.

Thank you for your support here, tulikuwa tumekalia deposit.

Now let’s pack our bags and move to OUR NEW HOME πŸ™Œ .

Let me know what can be done for your best experience (We are still working on it) via email   ➑   me@thekenyanrose.com 

Wa mwisho azime stima.  πŸ˜˜ 

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I Said Yes: Finally Taken!Β 

If you’re seeing this, congratulations…you have also been taken; for a ride. You my friend, has been catfished .That title was click bait.

But don’t go.Please don’t resign. Let me tell you why I catfished you.

I said yes… but it was to the love of my life a.k.a Me,to an extra plate of food(All which goes to my attitude maybe), to more cocktails on my birthday , to living a little more , to making more friends and to a lot of other good things.

Fast forward to that time… When I will , if at all, say the YES or the YASSS that you expected when you saw this post.

These will probably be the reactions…

Reaction 1: (By good people who barely know me) Aaaaaw….congratulations Rose.I’m so happy for you 😘

Reaction 2: (By those who kinda know me) Congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?

Reaction 3: (By those that are unhappy or have issues with me) I’m so happy for you Rose – Goes ahead to stalk the hell out of all my social media accounts for hints πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Beware. Jealousy may come in form of the common “I am happy for you” statement.

Reaction 4 : (By those who don’t care). They will just pass like…OK. Cool, so what does that have to do with me?

I will tell you. Nothing. Go awayπŸ’.

Reaction 5 : (The admirers,the stalkers, the Ex , the hopeful, if any will be in existence) Eeeh…😠😠😠😠 Mayooooo!

Then comes my close friends and people who have known me for a while.

Reaction 6 The Roast: (My close friends teasing and trolling me online )

Hahaaaa! Who is the unlucky guy? Who wants to grow old with you? What ring would fit your fingers ? Nitachota maji kwa harusi yako. Sasa unatuambia tufanye nini? (This one would be Muruli on Facebook) Who will put up with your insatiable appetite for black forest cake ? , Golden voice would ask.

Who has chosen to put up with your bitchcraft? Who even wants to see your face everyday? (Me, in the mirror?) That man will eat mashakura forever … One will quip.

Weh! If your friends don’t roast you black, I volunteer to give you just one of mine…on loan.You will return to sender in a day.

Societal expectations…

I think society unrealistically expects too much from a woman. As a woman , when you hit a certain age, your aunts start throwing subtle hints “Unatuletea mtu lini?” , “Hakuna mtu amekufungia jicho?” Never mind some people can’t wink without closing both eyes. They still however still caution you against ‘those people’.

So Rose, when are you getting married? They ask, and I politely answer, ” On my wedding day” At least then I will wear the ‘I know ring’.

A woman needs to get the perfect man…a tall glass of water; the woman needs to be engaged, married or just taken, even if for granted at a certain age , never mind no one bothers to bring up boys to be those men.

When a woman gets engaged after a long time, people will sigh.Finally! Because yeah,the heroine managed to detonate a ticking bomb with two seconds to explosion or like she just disarmed a teen who tried sneaking that leathal unlicensed 350ml lotion in to the plane.Why do they do that in airports though? Load of BS.

The love of my life at Samanthas Bridal Fair

The single ladies…

To you , young or older lady that feels like the clock is ticking too fast , you who has watched your agemates get married or have children but you still think you are ‘children’ because you’re still undergoing that awesome ‘Selfish Phase’ , you who is still single past that age the society has set… Worry not. Because the society is made of people just like you and they tend to set standards they can barely attain.

To you I say , It is well. Amen?

I understand that most ladies are single by choice or because they know what they want in a man and won’t take anything less – I’m not talking of those unrealistic high school check lists of the perfect man.

Some women are single because they actually think they are too good and no one deserves them.The type that has already filed for divorce from their future husbands in their minds. #PettyLivesMatter

Either way, are you single? Depends on who is asking

The other group comprises of those hopeless romantics who feel displaced in the 21st Century where situationships are common and lastly, those wife materials who haven’t found a man their age that is able to match up to their full package .It is well

Is this the point where I say that I , fortunately or unfortunately, knowingly or unknowingly, might have used my ‘wife material’ to make a gown for a singles event? Maybe I shouldn’t say that.

Meet your own standards first…

I think it is important to work towards meeting the standards you set for others. Walk the talk. More like meet the standards of your own standards.

“I need a gorgeous woman who will help me grow … “, they say Knowing too well that they have been mixing these ‘fertilizer women’ who help men grow, with all types of toxins. Bro , your woman cannot help you grow if you’re always busy recruiting her replacement. Don’t catch syphilis trying to prove yourself to people who do not care.

“I need a man who can handle me and provide for me…”, they caption their selfies. Woman , I think you aren’t a zoo animal that needs handling. Handle your damn self! Invest in something long-term because those 69 likes on that selfie are just as useless as a holiday that falls on a weekend.

Be the person who can confidently answer “You are sitting at my table ” when someone asks what you bring to the table.Be the person who is comfortable sitting alone if no one is ready to join you at that table.

Also, Let’s mind our business…

Whether you think someone’s standards are so low or so high , don’t roll your eyes thinking ‘mmmmh…with those standards,they might as well marry themselves’. Being single is not a crime, so please concentrate on not being caught with that plastic bag you use to store other plastic bags in your house.

We all need get a job at minding our own business and accept to stay employed at it. We need to leave people to live without setting unnecessary standards for them especially in matters relationships. Let us wait for each person to bloom and blossom where God has planted them. Give each other a break, maybe?

Difficult task…

Most people however, cannot mind their business no matter how hard they try. The reasons range from not having a mind, to the common not having any business to mind. Curiosity! (RIP cat)

I think I have a point (even if only on my nose) because from experience, if I was to return all the noses I found in my personal business, pua me! I would probably lose my mind.Who nose?

When your nose has a point and you’re trying to drive the point home

Even before Mashujaa Day , I celebrate all of you who are continuously working on yourselves .Those who mind their own.Those who are flawsome ; they know they aren’t perfect but they don’t allow anyone dim their shine.

I celebrate those who encouraged me to write more and keep improving.I raise a glass to you who has been reading my blog posts.

I celebrate the unwavering Kenyan Spirit even in these uncertain political times.

πŸ‡° πŸ‡ͺ

Salud ! #iOut ✌

EDIT : Henceforth, all new posts will be posted on my website www.thekenyanrose.com

Please check the site out and subscribe πŸ’œ

Cheers to the long weekend… I can see it from here.

Marriage: A Game of Chess

I find chess very intriguing.

From my days in Karima Girls’ High School where it would be played under the desk, while the teacher was busy talking about the respiratory system , to this day, where my high school deskmate Ann Kung’u , her twin Mary Kung’u and a few other classmates play competitively, in the national league.

In fact, Ann was on the telly this morning , looking all gorgeous, the only lady among six men, talking matters chess. This is where she comes in to say “Mama I made it!”

Ann (in head gear) , a friend and Mary Kung’u. Look at that glow up from high school😊

Talk of being nurtured holistically. Grades, check. Games, check. Sleep, check.πŸ’ͺ

Rose knows the basics , she does not play competitively. She uses chess as a conversation piece. Chess is a game that exercises the mind,teaches patience and helps you think beyond your mandatory ten selfies per day and that ladies and gentlemen, is awesome!

One day, I hope to successfully convince one of my classmates to write a comprehensive piece on chess, because life , just like chess is a culmination of decisions we make every day.

In fact, I think this post should have been titled “Life : A Game of Chess” .

The movie in which our very own Lupita Nyong’o feature; The Queen of Katwe , demistifies the importance of this game very well.

Marriage…

I am not about to talk about details of marriage here, but trust me, I have a lot to say about it. Not from experience.

For now, just know that I compare marriage to a game of chess; where the King can only move a step at a time while the Queen πŸ‘‘ can go wherever the hell she wants, within the kingdom.

I love the queen in chess not just for her free movement but also because when she goes out, she is out as a ‘soldier’ , to fight and protect the King and thus the Kingdom.

Power to the girl child!πŸ‘ πŸ‘  Power to the boy child πŸ‘žπŸ‘ž.

Think like a chess player this week, learn a little about chess. We even have apps where you can learn about chess and play it online.I intended to keep this post short because no one wants to read 30 pages on a Monday morning.

Blessed week my people!

This piece is Arap …but not Moi.

#iOut😘😘

EDIT : Henceforth, all new posts will be posted on my website www.thekenyanrose.com

Please check the site out and subscribe πŸ’œ

The Plan, You Guy.My Guy!

This blog is dedicated to all those who cancel plans at the last minute and those who at one point in time, are naive enough to be victims of the following statements:

“Yaaaas girl! We must do that road trip to Elementaita next week!”

“You guy, my guy ,Cray Fish will bow at our feet this weekend my guy!” Cheers Baba!

Cheers Baba Starter pack. Add ‘Jayme’ Jameson’s in that mix.

Rose, Let’s do coffee next week. Sips imaginary coffee because I know that’s as good as “See you in 2019”.

My learned friend has told me several times “Mum,hii coffee yetu ni kama ndio inapandwa, so tutangojea ikue ndio tupatane.” Loosely translated as “Ma,this coffee BS is too much we might as well skip coffee and meet on our wedding day. ”

I just learnt that I’m not good at translating things πŸ˜‚

Cancellation of plans is a common weakness and a bad habit in this century where we can choose to communicate via texts and all other platforms.People are lazy. We do not want to get up and meet people,interact and build relationships offline…and coincidentally, they also do not want to meet us.

How do you know you are about to become a victim of cancelled plans?

Simple answer: You don’t!

Unless of course, you are also a practitioner of the unpopular art or the person making plans is not sober enough to make any solid decision.

The Annoying Six (How Pros Cancel Plans)

  • They find an appropriate excuse and sound convincing enough on phone or on that text.
  • They contact you, the victim first. This gives them an advantage over you. Manipulation tactics.
  • They reschedule plans over and over again until you are all tired of each other’s BS. They request to Raincheck until the season is over and the sun is out to dry their BS.Pun Intended.
  • Some pros have pictorial evidence stored in their phones.They have a picture of their car in a garage , a flat tyre, pictures of traffic on Mombasa road. All these pictures come in handy when they need to lie – Too bad if you’re a Footstubishi owner, you just have to play sick, dead or something.
  • They just assume there were no such plans in the first place. Rude😏
  • What plans? They pretend to not remember any such plans especially if you contact them first enquiring about it.

In all honestly, I have used one or two above and I’ve had people pull the same tricks on me, but did I die?

A few things to consider…

When cancelling plans on a lady, make sure you do so before she does her makeup and wears that bomb outfit she has been thinking about all week.

Ladies, if someone cancels on you after 30 minutes of preparation, you have my approval to go out as planned or for a random walk. People have to see you.

We do not waste makeup.We don’t waste a good outfit, so go ahead and put your pet fish on a leash and walk it! Do whatever, but don’t stay home.Power to you !πŸ’ͺ

Take your fish for a walk just to show off your make-up if he cancels on you πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Gentlemen, if a lady cancels on you, just slip back to whatever you were doing.It only took you 5 minutes to prepare anyway. No loss? I don’t know about that.

In case you find yourself bailing out of a planned activity ,consider communicating on time and apologizing to the person involved.Thanks E for teaching me this. To all those I have bailed out on , I am sorry.

I will make it up to you.I have grown older now and I promise to make it up to you , you and…not you xaxa guy.

I have realised that meeting up with friends is more important than speaking on the phone. So in the last few weeks, I have met up with a few interesting people. Maybe I will write about my experience later.

Now, come to think of it…

You don’t have to cancel plans you didn’t make any! So avoid making plans you can’t honor. It’s annoying…especially to adults and us, upcoming adults and those in denial.

Cheers Baba! Cheers girl!

Let’s see what we can and what we can’t do, you guy, my guy πŸ˜‚.

Be safe 😘

EDIT : Henceforth, all new posts will be posted on my website www.thekenyanrose.com

Please check the site out and subscribe πŸ’œ

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Adulting: The Horror!

If you have accepted the supreme court ruling and moved on , you aren’t nursing any bee sting injuries or demonstrating every week, you must have seen the clichΓ© “Queens are Born In October” and “Keep Calm,Its Libra Season” posts on social media.

Have a seat.We need to learn these things.Libra is the seventh astrological sign in the Zodiac.Represented by the Scales symbol β™Ž

So who are these weird people who read their Zodiac horoscopes? Why would anyone believe in the stars, a ruling planet, birthstone and such things? Are they mature enough? Are they adults?

Please don’t roll your eyes so hard you almost see your brain back there.Well, I wish it was possible, so that all these people who roll their eyes at adults can tell us what they saw in there, where a brain is located in the respectful population. Being an adult is hard!

Tenagers are made of 30% hormones and 70% curiosity …How do we become adults? What does it entail? First, I’m still in denial, so don’t ask me, but I have an idea.

Be an adult Rose, it will be fun, they said. This is how adulthood looks like to me.

In a bid to cope with adulting ; the act of being an adult, some of us read Astrology predictions or Zodiac horoscopes. They are all fun and games until you find something like “A Leo is prone to losing their job because Saturn is getting vibrations from Uranus” , a day after you are served a warning letter by your ever smiling boss.No pun intended on that Uranus part.

The readings are also a great way to comfort yourself when you have a romantic interest you really want to pursue. So as a guy, you go to your best friend-Google and search “Taurus compatibility with Libra” .Google serves you with respect, you even leave a tip after you get the results.

As a lady, you type “Like I’m a Taurus and I met this cute guy and through my FBI like social media stalking, discovered he’s a Libra.Do you think we are compatible,like at all” in the search and wait.

The attitude I serve as I wait for Google to find the nonsense I searched

Google will then hold her waist, sigh, click and think, oh boy! Why the hell do these women have to type so many words for a simple search?

Google will then serve you some search results like the grumpy cashiers in those fast food joints in town; without a smile , fast and with a “Next” down that page.

I’m sorry if you don’t do fries or you only do KFC, you (Insert ‘Literally’) can’t relate. Some of us only know of downtown ‘shicken and ships’. So the day you make it to the dingy joints,remember to make the “Ni mara yangu ya kwanza…” speech.

PS: All KFC slay selfies will be collected after this blog for rating.So please sit at that corner and edit them ; slowly and with the expertise you have been displaying on the gram.

Let’s get back to Google search results about our Libra man.

You will probably find out Libra men are handsome, romantic , they also snore , they push doors with a ‘Pull’ sign and chew cud in their sleep. You will either lose interest or just decide you know what,I can handle that. I like this guy. After all, my neighbour in shagz owns a tractor and it doesn’t make me lose sleep (Never mind the tractor broke down when you were 8 years old and hasn’t worked ever since).

Things infatuation can do!

I am a huge fan of the Zodiac horoscopes, but like most people in my generation, only when my ego is being massaged , my future is described as so bright they even recommend those flashy sunglasses and a floppy hat πŸ‘“πŸ‘’.

I also like my finances connecting with Jupiter (I just made that up) and when my love life is being ruled by Venus ;The planet of love πŸ’• (Audience laughs in the background at that love part πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)

Audience laughs in the background . PC: Hiram Photography on a random evening

There is no moral to this blog post,except that I just love October because I was born on the 7th day of the month and most importantly, baptized on 8th October , five years after my birth. Thanks mum and dad for bringing me to this world. It’s crazy.

Seriously though, I don’t know why I grew past ten years.I should have remained there, because adulthood is clearly a trap.I still remember how much I wanted to be an adult.Look at me now! Just here going through my ‘blogger phase’ without shame and pretending to know what I’m doing with my life.

Yes, I’m growing older but probably not any wiser.I refuse to adult. In fact, I’m looking for an adultier adult to show me the way. I can’t act my age! I have never been this old before.πŸ’

I’m a Libra woman. They say Libras are well-balanced individuals who are passionate , diplomatic and Intelligent. We are also indecisive, have a temper and are emotionally cold 😏. Debatable!

I thank God for another year.I look forward to more of His blessings especially the blessing of a guide to adulthood.

So what’s your Zodiac sign and what are your best qualities?

We will just dismiss the bad qualities with “Never let negativity from the internet spoil your positive and glowing social media life.”
Now, you must share this post with 10 people or the Libra gods will conspire to have you step on a wet spot just after wearing your clean happy socks.The horror!

Happy October! God bless you, God bless (wait for it…) Libras!

😊Aki what are you getting me for my birthday? -Kenyan proverb.

Salud! #iOut ✌

EDIT : Henceforth, all new posts will be posted on my website www.thekenyanrose.com

Please check the site out and subscribe πŸ’œ

So What Is This About?

Hello

Before we start, please pick your poison here πŸ·β˜•πŸΌπŸ»πŸΉπŸΈπŸ΅. Sorry I couldn’t add the Avocado Icon there.

I signed up to WordPress in the year of our Lord 2011 but for six years, I haven’t made a single (or taken) post on this site.

Maybe I wasn’t about that “Link in Bio” life y’all understand πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚or maybe I didn’t understand how blogs work. Who knows? ( I do, but I ain’t confirming sh*t)

But here I am, in 2017 on 1st September, attempting to write my first post . I thank God for life and for the preservation of the determination to do this.

So this is Rose Macharia. Yeah, my face looks quite mean,but I’m OK with that.It keeps weak people away.

So what will I be writing about?

I’m inspired by events of my life and other people’s lives , on a daily basis and I will be writing a lot about this.

Most of my thoughts have been captured in my various Socials and especially my posts Here and on My Instagram as photo captions.

I live life on the twisted humour and sarcastic lane. I poke fun at most issues ( Something that can be very annoying at times), just because I believe life is never too serious and because I have no intention of living a dull life.

More over , I believe ‘Immature’ is a term boring people use to describe fun people.

This is where I state that memes are life.No? OK.

Cheers ! πŸ’ž #RoseOut

Makes a grand exit πŸ‘‘πŸ‘ πŸ‘  πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I’m told that wasn’t grand enough 😏

Take 2

πŸ‘£ Bye for now 😘

Salud ! #iOut ✌

EDIT : Henceforth, all new posts will be posted on my websiteΒ www.thekenyanrose.com

Please check the site out and subscribeΒ πŸ’œ